The Mind has it all....

Every time you are in a situation between the thought of doing something right and don`t know exactly, what the outcome would be, your mind plays tricks on you, about choosing between the thought whether its good or bad.. it usually means you are doing something that is unethical and unacceptable,like maybe to find out the shortest possible way of escaping situation by cheating..you wouldn't be interrupted if it were for a deed of Good or being helpful. A friend, who asks you to help her in a Exam preparation is termed good,whereas the same friend who asks you to help her in examination is bad ... 

well... it was all back in old days... i and her studied in the same school was frequent in same bus.. and even went in the same bike..her father was such a good friend of me from young age..he use to take me and her in the same bike to school until the age of 12.. i think... she lived a few houses away from me.. and sometimes shifted house within few blocks.. we lived in a quarters or a colony for the employees in a cement industry.. my father is in laboratory and testing.. while her mother worked in Dispensary.. she is the only nurse whom i remember from very young age who puts injection without any pain.. it would just be like a mosquito prick..all that i felt...now enough of the fore-word.. lets get in to the scene...

she changed school in the 8th std... to a school in kumarapalayam...its near coimbatore.. where as i am still stuck in the same school.. up until my 12th std...
what we had in the earlier times was just good friendship.. nothing much more... i just spend time with her in a common friends house in colony... tease her, play games with words.. and ultimately get Dubba from her...or anyother forms of mokkai...

then 10th came.. i started seeing less and less of her.. she also became sick of health.. u wouldn`t believe.. she is so magnetic to diseases... she was hit by dengue and typhoid at the same time.. but still she wrote public exam.. and scored more than 60 marks than me.. i got 953.. while she got 1028..she became like a role model to my parents and even more she was elated to a miracle child.. for escaping both diseases...

then on 11th std... i was as usual on my normal course of life.. while suddenly there was stir everywhere... everyone i knew of in school had a girl to love for... some had got girls of their liking in their own batch while others had a mora ponnu or other girls... while me... a total alien.. was stuck with emptiness..then.. i don`t know when or how.. but somehow suddenly.. the thought that there is also a pretty girl near my house struck my mind.. i have been seeing her from very young age.. but never with love.. but with friendship... but the boys in my class corrupted and grew in my mind saying.. its time you know what really is there between you and that girl... i told you.. i never had the guts to be extrovert.. but somehow.. i know..its just the part of time.. adolescence has to have some form of essence...so...
on the day of oct 4th, 2003,saturday... i called her out saying that i want to talk with you...can we meet in the common friend`s house in the colony.. she first asked why.. i said.. chumma thaan.. unkitta pesanumnu thonuthu.. i said...
she said.. can it be on the evening.. cause i have to wash my clothes now.. please abe.. can u wait till then.. i said okay...

then evening came... i was rushed by my mother to get some vegetables from market.. which i have to take my dad`s TVS 50... i told my mother its okay.. and i went.. i took a shortcut.. saw my angel standing on my friend`s house talking with him...and assured her that.. i am so sorry.. i have some urgent work.. and she said.." its okay.. i will wait..."

then 20 min later... after finishing vegetable purchase i rushed.. to meet her.. even though the common friends house is little far.. i chose to walk to it... since.. both our house are near.. and we have to walk from the friend`s house together.. by that.. i will have somemore extra time to talk..

then.. around 5.15 or 5.30... in the evening i saw her on the friend`s house again... she was wearing a white chuddi with dots of small flower patterns.. even now.after 7 years... the image in my mind is very clear.. i can recover it after this many years...
i asked her to walk with me outside.. and i took the road less frequently used in the colony to the temple..
i asked her.. how is your health.. since she recovered from the diseases .. i told u in few paragraphs back..
she said.. i am fine.. then asked of her mother`s health.. and was talking about the sports activities she had participated.. and told her to be careful.. not to injure herself...
then.. the topic shifted to the person`s she like in this world.. i spoke a lot of phrases prior to this topic.. but i have to skip to the main scene.. since its enough of giving intro to u till now.. now the main conversation begins...

i said"whom do u like in this world?"
she said" my mother.. the first person"
i said"who else?"
she said" my father the best and most caring person"
i said"then?"
"i like everyone..." and "oh! your mother too.. she is so multi talented women i ever met!"
----- Pause----
i forgot to mention a important fact... My angel and My mother are very good friends too...she use to learn recipes from my mom.. learn about stitching..knitting... and even my mom use to baby sit her along with me.. in our young age.. when both her father and mother are off or away to work...she even plays shuttle with my mom... now and then...
now back to the scene..

-----Continue----

i said" who else?"
she said"everyone"
i said" what about me?"
she," yeah i like you too, you are my good friend"
then the next line i have to say in Tamil...
"naa unna kadhalikaren nu sonna enna entha alavuku pudikum?"
(If I say that, "I Love you", will you still like me as before?)
she said"ABE. WHAT?"
i said yes... what`s wrong in it??

she said"please abe, we know each other from very young age..lets be friends.. its good to be like that..love doesn`t want to spoil the liking that i am having with you"

i then said" is that it?"

she said" please abe.. i don`t know this ... it will definitely not happen.. we just be good friends.. this is not the right time and we aren`t okay for it?"

i then said" is this because... you feel that i am hindu and you are christian?" i asked...

she said no no... not at all.. i just say,, it won`t happen...

then.. i turned back" Just forget it!" BYE..
i walked away.. but she kept calling my name and walked away...
then for about a week i didn`t see her... then an opportunity knocked my life...


my house is so far away from the main gate of the colony... and i have to take an out bus to go for my special classes.. and she too has to reach early for her school by early... morning.. 7.45

my bus time is only 8.30.. but my bag size is so big.. and my father offered me to use his bike to go and keep the bag first in the main gate earlier and then walk freely for the 3 Km stretch without luggage in the back...
i planned the time to be exactly at 7.30 to start my bike.. and i could literally see her walk past my house to reach the main gate...
i stopped right next to her.. the first time i am seeing her after proposing...asked her. to get on the bike...

she hesitated for a minute.. i got off my bike and started pushing along...
she said"what are u doing?.. don`t make a scene.. everyone would be watching"
i said" its only you.. who know that i am in love.. for the rest.. i am your friend... and they don`t see us anything wrong... besides i am just helping you to school.. and i said.. i will not talk when u are sitting behind me in the bike"
after a few minutes.. she got on my bike..

i drove very slow... as if in 40 speed.. she said... why are u going like this?? i said.. this gives me time to talk,,,
i then said" ippovathu enn mela unaku love varuma?"
she said"NO"
i dropped her off in bus stand...
she said... don`t ever do what you did today.. tomorrow.. i don`t want you coming like this again..
i said..OKAY... and left...
the next day also.. i went and stopped next to her... she said.. NO Chance and started to walk.. but naa vudalayee... oru 1/4 km i walked pushing my bike.. then.. finally she got on the bike...
but today.. i was quite...

the next day.. also same thing happened..
the next day.. 4th day.. she started waiting for me... to ride on the bike.. i didn`t speak... just dropped her.. said bye.. and went...
after about a month after proposing i said...
"its been a month since i proposed, any change?" she said NO
it continued to happen for another month till november..then.. fate smiled on me.. i got attacked by dengue.. i lost weight and thus.. never saw her for about another 3 months.. even after my recovery i couldn`t find time to meet or talk her.. i was escorted to school by my father.. on his bike.. since they felt i was weak...

then 12th came.. i went occasionally to her house.. for getting her school`s question paper on maths.. she is sooooo good in maths.. while i am so bad in it..she helped me out.. whenever i met.. asked the same question.. still she said NO
i asked her.. when`s her Birthday... since it matters now.. i asked... she said.. feb 30th... i said.. i might be bad in maths...
but not so bad in calender... your real DOB... i asked.. she said.. june 28th.. thats it.. its only a week or 2 more for her birthday.. i kept reminding me to wish her...on the day of her birthday.. i somehow managed to get my father`s bike to pick er up.. but her father had already sped fast me taking her away in his bike to the main gate... i followed her father`s RX100 with my TVS 50 xl super... then.. after she got down on the bus stand... went hurriedly and said.. HAppy Birthday .. she said thanks...and i drove away..

several months went by... no improvement.. then.. my father got transferred to another plant in south..since it was my academic year of importance.. i was allowed to stay back in colony with my mother... while my father left for transfer of work....
and.. revision tests.. mock test... public exam went by...she(my angel) got sick again during entrance exam... exams got over.. its time for me to say good bye to the colony and move to my father`s location...16 years of my upbringing ended that instant in the colony.. i went to her house after getting permission to meet all my friend`s and say goodbye...
the first house i went was her`s..
i saw her ironing the clothes...asked her again.. same question... she said.. NO.. i told her.. this might be the last time i see you... could i atleast have your number i asked...she said NO... but i still know her Land line number....since i know that her number is few digits different.. from mine.. as we both parents ordered landline at the same time and its obvious our numbers came in very close digits...
then.. i left the place... never again to see her in person again...
i even tried contacting her.. through her mom by calling the landline.. but came to know only.. that she is doing Bsc computer technology in a college in Erode.. even Orkut was not helpful..i rarely got reply to my scraps...
5 years later now.. on the beginning of the month(NOV 2010) i saw her mom.. on the colony.. i went on a happy-go-lucky trip to salem to see the colony i grew up in.. spoke with her mom... asked of her health.. wished her happy diwali.. since the very next day was diwali... and only that day.. she is coming from her office.. my angel is right now working in accenture in chennai...

so i left without seeing her... travelled around the colony saw few neighbors who would be worth seeing and remembering..everyone i met said.. you have grown so tall.. since i am 6ft...

oh! all this time.. i never typed her name on this message.. i totally got engrossed in typing her as angel and forgot to use her name...
her name is Yamuna..

That pretty much winds up my love story.. which obviously was and always one sided... mokka vanginathu naa....

i then realized recently that its tough to fall in love with someone..of my liking and those who would be willing to root for my desires... which are to travel around the world as a lonely man... and see all the wonders...
if i get to love a girl and married to a Indian Girl... i would be forced to go on a marital status with her and have sex and then become father and get Kids... which would become full stop to my desires... so i started creating walls to my own thought and mind.. i do see them in Natural way.. what you people call as Site adikarathu... but never in a nonchalant way..."

So i will and must get to marry a foreign girl.. preferably a European.. as beautiful as Catherine zeta-JOnes.. my favourite actor...then i can have my maamanar veedu in foreign and from thala diwali to vadagappu i get to go there..ore kallu la rendu manga...Foreign trip adikadi pogalam.. athe samayam... foreigner agavum ayidalam....

-----------------UPDATE-------

---
On 17/01/2011...
I received a msg from a Number stating that ARE U GOING TO BOOK FAIR TODAY?

I replied WHO IS THIS?

A reply Came HEY SORRY SENT U WRONGLY>> THIS IS YAMUNA ... HOPE U REMEMBER..

I thought someone who knows about me and the blog i wrote is playing pranks...
so I replied that... MACHI. DON~T MOCK ME WITH IMITATING>> I KNOW U MUST HAVE READ MY BLOG>> TELL ME WHO THIS IS and I JUST ASSUMED THAT IT IS ONE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS PLAYING PRANKS...

Then the Reply.... AM NOT JOKIN...

Then few minutes later I got my phone ringing with that number on my Display...
I was pretty much Sure that someone closely mimicking her Voice.. and so asked questions to confirm that it is Her... I asked Sorry that i was very Inquisitive.. and told her that i have this instinct to test everything first and then conclude that it is them...

20 minutes later... i called her myself.. apologizing for all that I did... and wrote about in the Blog... she said its worth reading as it took her to the school days as a reminder.
I also said that i will not bother you like i did earlier.. and told her that i wrote the blog just to make it a memory of things.. like a Digital Diary
I also told her that i have said everything about you to my Father and Mother too..
and told her that they scolded me for bothering a Good Girl like you In school days.. Its better that u don`t come and meet them... she said its Okay.. i asked her If i can have her Number to be conversive in the Future... and she said Its Your wish... and hence therefore The conclusion of the UPDATE...Now i can safely Love My profession and My future lover from Land.. Far-far-away..